Who Are You?

20 years when I was alive I was only 16 and I had an annoying little brother named William. He was only 10 when it happened. This story begins in my room with my brand Nokia cell phone. All of a sudden my little brother William came into my room and took my phone out of my hand. I was so angry that I started chasing him around the house screaming at him to give me back my phone.

Then he ran into the toilet and flushed her phone down it. I told my mum when she came back from work and she grounded him for 10 weeks. I tried to resurrect my phone with rice but i saw it was pointless. So I went on a walk to clear my head.

Then I passed a chineses takeaway shop and decided to treat myself with spicy noodles, Coca Cola and it came with a free fortune cookie. The lady serving me was very nice. After I finished my meal I decided to eat my fortune cookie. I got the lady who gave it to me and said “be careful what you wish for.” I did not know what that meant until i opened the little paper inside and said if you had one free wish what would it be? I said thinking it was a joke “ I wish my brother was never in my life”. Since I ate I felt drowsy and wanted to go to sleep. As soon as I came back home I went straight to bed and dreamt what it would be like to have my phone right now. The next day when I woke up in my old  house, my old room and all my belongings. I looked at the other bunk bed for William and I found that there was no bunk bed.

Then I remembered the wish I made last night thinking that it would never happen and it did! I thought life would be perfect again but it was not. I felt all alone mum and dad started working more and were never home in time for dinner so it felt like they were not even my parents. I decided on the nearest chineses shop but all I found was a magic shop. I decided since I had no were else to look I would take my chances. I saw a magic lamp and thought it would make a nice souvenir when I decided to buy it from the same waitress who was at the chinese shop as the cashier. “ we meet again did the wish come true”

“ Better than you think my brother is gone” she replied sadly.

“ Well make sure you wish carefully this time.” she warned with a tiny grin on her face.

I did not know what that meant so I rushed home and rubbed the lamp. Then blue smoke appeared and suddenly a big, blue genie came out the lamp. 

The genie had a very long introduction and I made 2 wishes. My first wish was to get my brother back, my second wish to free the genie. I went to bed excited everything would go back to normal. As soon as I heard the doorbell ring I answered it expecting my wacky little brother to come and hug me, instead he asked me who are you? I was horrified and I ran straight into the middle of the road and I cried but no one saw the nearby lorry coming when I heard it, it was too late…

Much better! Well done for editing. I am so proud of you both! You can add more description, especially adding more adjectives to describe your setting and characters.