The Mission
In the heart of California where pineapples, almonds, plantains and coconuts grow, lived Plantin the positive plantain and Cocnut the co-captain coconut. They were just normal nearly ripe fruits hanging from ordinary trees right next to each other.
However, they knew something that all the others didn’t know. So, when they were young (still a seed) they realised that they had to get off the tree, stop the arrow shooters and end all this crazy hammer smashing. This was a mission they had to do as a team.
“At least we don’t have to save chickens!” joked Coconut.
“Yeah, saving your own kind is way better!” laughed Plantain.
Well, after two weeks of sleeping, eating, and chatting, they both dropped off their trees like a balloon. Saying farewell to their family, they both left happily, but still knowing they were on a special mission. Not only to save themselves and their family but also to save all the fruits on the trees. They sang this song, as they trotted along.
“We, are, on, a, mission.
Go-ing to Ja-maica!
To save the fruits on these beautiful trees…
We are on a mission!”
Suddenly, they realised all the challenges they would face and stopped singing their song. They went into serious mode. Whilst walking for at least one mile, they noticed more and more and more, arrows flying past them. They rolled and spun, then turned around open mouthed. This was challenge number 1! Taken by surprise, they gaped at a gigantic jungle right in front of their eyes!
“This is serious, they want to get all of our species eaten. Hammered! This is revenge time.” growled Plantain.
As they went, all the fruits on the trees were cheering them on.
“What if we get caught?!” panted Coconut frightened.
“Be positive! Be an optimist!” replied Plantain smiling.
Coconut and Plantain sprinted a few more yards, climbed a tree, then jumped on a tree branch with a vine. They swung all the way to the next branch with a vine – they continued this for quite a while.
“I am getting good at this, plus it’s much more relaxing than sprinting.” chuckled Coconut.
They swung and ran and ran and swung. Finally, they reached the Atlantic Ocean.
“Nearly there!” panted Plantain grinning.
Opening paragraph: Great opening with lots of description
A variety of paragraph openers: However,
Speech with inverted commas
New speech written on a new line
Similes
Powerful words: farewell, optimist, positive
Adverbs: Suddenly, happily
Characters emotions: they sang happily, they realized the challenges they were going to face
and……………………..went into serious mode.
‘Be positive and be optimistic “replied Plantain smiling
Expanded noun phrases: gaped at a gigantic jungle
Brackets and hyphen – extra information, correct use
All punctuation including commas correct.
A variety of conjunctions
Subordinate clauses
Alliteration
Onomatopoeia
A happy humorous mission story with all features taught included. A really like your song included in the story.
The Speedboats
“They are teaming up!” screamed Coconut.
“Let’s go! They can’t float without using so much energy. Or can they?” chuckled Plantain slyly.
They floated across the water. Suddenly, they caught sight of at least more than ten speedboats charging towards them like a herd of water buffalo. This was challenge number 2!
“Ahhhhhhhhh, an army of speedboats!” shrieked Coconut nearly drowning.
“It’s just boats, slow-go boats. What are they going to do? Let’s dive!” squawked Plantain excitedly who loved diving.
They dived like a penguin to the middle zone of the ocean.
“It’s is cold down here.” shivered Coconut.
You’re a moaner, come on. What would you prefer, being trampled with boats or being cold?” screamed Plantain just taking a breath.
Just then, the arrow shooters lashed a net out at them and after several near misses, they caught the two fruit heroes.
“Oh no, we’re dead!” sobbed Coconut.
“There is always hope in the no hope, Coconut.” Plantain said in a Jamaican accent.
They struggled and wriggled in the strong, rope net.
“Be positive! Be an optimist!” Coconut muttered to himself.
The Factory
Finally, the arrow shooters reached their destination. The hammer factory, in Jamaica. This is the biggest and most powerful hammer makers in the world. It’s called ‘H&F’.
Coconut’s and Plantain’s grandparents had always been talking about this place. This was challenge number 3! Coconut shrieked and Plantain growled. There was a one and only skill that they could do like a diligent elite and this was the time to use it … KARATE!
BOOM, SMASH, KA-POW! They were waiting for this part, they sliced the net apart.
“We’re strong and tough, let’s watch these people faint!” snarled Plantain.
Coconut headed one of the hammers, it broke smashing the machine, destroying everything in its path. Plantain threw himself in the air and spun around so fast that you would think he was a yellow propeller for an invisible helicopter. Plantin sliced ropes apart and he came back just where he took off, like a boomerang. Now, this place was in an absolute mess, but the factory workers didn’t give up. They threw spears and shot arrows and charged at them like an army of bees. However, as usual, Cocnut the karate master leaped up like a frog and banged a H&F worker on the head.
“Oww” screamed the muscular workman weakly, then he fainted.
Even though that man had fainted, the workers still ran towards them throwing and shooting spears and arrows. Was it the stone age? Did their ancestors chase coconuts and plantains like feral animals? This journey had taught them how much the whole of California and Jamaica wanted these fruits to be crushed and turned into a fine paste! All of a sudden, a very familiar voice boomed through the factory. It was … Joseph Jackal! The best hammer maker in the world and the boss of the company.
Fighting for Freedom
In a blink of an eye, Coconut and Plantain saw the roof open and a 10 feet long hammer was dropped on a tough string. This was the handiwork of Joseph Jackal. Immediately, Coconut bounded into the air hitting the hammer back in the air. Then Plantin had his chance, he sliced the rope apart using his propeller technique. As quick as a flash, Plantin and Cocnut dealt with the enormous plastic hammer. Now, this place was ruins!
“This is awesome! I can’t believe I’m doing this!” screeched Coconut.
“Well, you will have to believe, Coconut. Now calm down!” chuckled Plantain.
Joseph Jackal was very upset and sobbed, “We’re doomed! I can’t have this anymore! Set these fruits free! FREE!”
The worker that had fainted grinned and replied, “I have an idea. An idea that will show the world we are not doomed!
“Ok, Ok hurry up and say it!” Joseph Jackal said impatiently.
“We let these fruits ripen and drop, then at harvest we collect them. Finally, we do the hammer smashing process.” said the worker still grinning.
At the exact time that the man finished speaking, Joseph had posted the man’s words to all the hammer factories and all the fruit farms.
“That idea is also economically good!” Plantain and Coconut said in unison.
It’s Samba time!
So, the moment Coconut and Plantain heard those words they told the whole fruit kingdom. They then made a plan that if all of them fall off the trees, then they would run away, and live! They tried the plan once, it worked they tried it twice, it worked!
“Yes, yes, yes!” our plan has worked Plantain said to Coconut, punching the air with excitement.
“And what does that mean?” joked Coconut.
“Samba!” they both cheered together.
They called all the fruit and they danced and sang this song.
We are free
We are free
Dancing together, in the breeze
[Chorus]
[Repeat chorus x2]
So we fall off our tree and then run to safety
This is our family and our routine
We are free
We are free
Dancing together
In the breeeeeeeezzzzzze
[Repeat last 2 lines x2]
[Repeat chorus x3]
From then on, they lived their live as explorers, adventurers, savers or escapers this was their life and they enjoyed it every bit of it.
Until the people were bored of not having fruit! …
The End
Excellent Story: Great features as mentioned after Chapter 1
Your songs are wonderful. I read it out loud with expression and it captivates the reader.
Next Steps: Can you create a story telling video with this mission so that I can add it to Class Dojo please?
Edit by reading aloud. There were a few places where your sentence or the word used did not make sense.
Be careful, the way you repeated words and phrases was brilliant and it created a great story but in the last two chapters, I thought there may be some word repetition that could have been avoided.
